At least I don't think any of them do....
I saw Anna's father the other day when I was shoe shopping with a friend. Who knew after five hours of searching that they would have the sneakers she wanted, in her size (11) at the sears he works at. At least we found the shoes, I really wasn't up for another day of shoe shopping.
Anyways, Anna's father is named Chad. He's something of a manager at Sears, which is where we met when I was working there. I don't have any bad feelings towards him. I do feel bad for him, because he is so unhappy. I've tried to tell him that you can't keep living your life with regrets (now if only I could practice what I preach).
Anna is gone, being miserable isn't going to bring her back. I know that Chad always wanted lots of children. I really think he should find a woman to love, who will love him back, and try making some. I think he will be happy once he does that, unfortunately I also think that being so unhappy is preventing him from doing that. I really can't help him, not and stay sane at the same time.
I hold on to my own little bit of happiness by a thin thread. I need to stay positive to keep moving in life.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day
Most people I know don't put much thought at all into Father's Day. I put way too much thought into it.
My father is my only living parent and I appreciate everything he has done for me.
My son, Alex, has never met his father, will probably never meet him. I feel badly about that, a boy needs a father. This year my father attended his school's father's day party, but in years to come will Alex be singled out as "the boy without a father"?
And I think about Anna's father. Is he hurting today like I was hurting on mother's day? Does he even think about her?
I wish I could have chosen better for my children's other parents. But hindsight is 20/20
My father is my only living parent and I appreciate everything he has done for me.
My son, Alex, has never met his father, will probably never meet him. I feel badly about that, a boy needs a father. This year my father attended his school's father's day party, but in years to come will Alex be singled out as "the boy without a father"?
And I think about Anna's father. Is he hurting today like I was hurting on mother's day? Does he even think about her?
I wish I could have chosen better for my children's other parents. But hindsight is 20/20
Friday, June 11, 2010
Another day
I'm often tired, cranky, short-tempered, and easily upset, but Alex never fails to make me laugh. I know I should punish him for some of the things he says and does, but it's really hard to look stern when I can barely keep from laughing.
I took a shower earlier and in my haste to get dressed left a puddle on the bathroom floor. Ten minutes later my son yells down to me "Mom, I think the F-ing cat peed on the bathroom floor!" (he said the actual word).... What's a mother to say?
He's four. He thinks everything should be done by the time he counts to three. He hates getting stuck in traffic. He's a constant backseat driver. He wants his own laptop (a real one, not the toy Papa bought him a couple years ago). He repeats most of what he hears at the most inopportune moments. He wants a job so he can make some money. He loves to snuggle. He has crushes on numerous girls at school. He eats ketchup with everything, even carrots. He always comes down before bed for a hug and a kiss. He knows what an octagon is, but claims to not know which drawer his clean underwear are in. His attitude and back talking make me want to scream, but then he looks up at me with those big blue eyes and asks for a hug and I melt.
I don't know how I got to have such a child, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.,
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Today
Today I am okay. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends. Life has been mostly ok.
Alex is getting older. In two weeks his Pre-K class is having a father's day party, they want the fathers to come in. I worry about this. It's times like this that it will be obvious to Alex and his peers that he is different, that he doesn't have a father.
It almost brought me to tears when I got the notice about the party. I don't want my son to suffer for my choices. I wouldn't give up Alex for anything, but I do wish I had the ability to give him a father of his own.
I asked my father if he would go to the party, I suppose a grandfather is better than no father at all. I really hope he makes it, I know he's very busy with work. If not my only option is keeping him home that days. I don't want my child to deal with other children who will notice that his father isn't there. I don't want him to have to explain to his little friends that he doesn't live with his dad, or see his dad.
I just want my son to be happy.
Alex is getting older. In two weeks his Pre-K class is having a father's day party, they want the fathers to come in. I worry about this. It's times like this that it will be obvious to Alex and his peers that he is different, that he doesn't have a father.
It almost brought me to tears when I got the notice about the party. I don't want my son to suffer for my choices. I wouldn't give up Alex for anything, but I do wish I had the ability to give him a father of his own.
I asked my father if he would go to the party, I suppose a grandfather is better than no father at all. I really hope he makes it, I know he's very busy with work. If not my only option is keeping him home that days. I don't want my child to deal with other children who will notice that his father isn't there. I don't want him to have to explain to his little friends that he doesn't live with his dad, or see his dad.
I just want my son to be happy.
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