Rainy Days

Rainy days are the worst, especially when I’m all alone. I’m not sure if I’m getting worse or if I’m just having a bad day. I miss my Anna. It hurts so bad. And no one ever talks about her, it’s as if she never existed.
Pretending she never lived wont make me feel better, it will make be feel like you didn’t love her.
She lived such a short time...41 hours, but I loved her with all my heart. I wanted that baby, no matter what ya’ll think.
So until You’ve held your baby as she breathes her last breath, until you’ve watched her slowly die, knowing you couldn’t do anything about it. Until you’ve wanted to die yourself so you wont be alone anymore… Please don’t tell me that it will get easier…
I will never have another child… Yes I have Alex, Yes he’s beautiful, smart, perfect...yes I love him.... Why does having him mean I can’t want what I’ve lost… Having another child wouldn’t replace Anna, I almost died having her, one of you was there, you know it.
No I can’t get over it… I don’t even want to. I know she was sick… but can’t someone, anyone, tell me she was beautiful and they miss her too?

I don’t want to hear; Time heals everything, God never gives you more than you can handle, there’s a reason for everything.... or anything like that. I don’t care, you don’t know what I’m feeling, and I hope you never do.